1 month down, 35 to go

So, I have officially completed my first "block" in residency. A block is a 28 day period in which we work a set number of shifts. That's the beauty of ER--shift work. I have a pager, but I never wear it unless I am on sick call. Which means when I leave that hospital, I am done. No looking back.

The first couple weeks were pretty tricky. It's hard enough applying all the knowledge you spent learning the last four years of med school, but when you throw in a cumbersome computer system, nurses with the strongest union in the country (meaning they are on break, like every 2 minutes), and learning how to call a private attending at 3:00 in the morning without making him want to shoot you is a whole other thing. Not to mention the fact that the other interns and I kept saying to ourselves things like "am I allowed to sign this script?". This is why you should never go to a teaching hospital in the month of July. I'm not really kidding...

Although I wouldn't go so far as to say that things are much easier, I am starting to get the hang of things. I guess I am starting to feel more like a doctor. For the first two weeks, I had a hard time walking into a patients room and introducing myself as "Dr. Duncan", or answering the phone "this is Dr. Duncan". It sounded really weird. I once looked forward to being called "doctor", but now, just as an attending once told me a couple years ago, I dread hearing my name over that intercom--because it usually means I have to talk to the pharmacy about a drug we don't have on formulary, or a patient of mine is deteriorating, or some other unpleasantness.

I have been on night shifts for the last 7 shifts, and I have nine more to go until I get days again. My circadian rhythm is all off wack. Especially when you have 4 nights in a row, then you have a "day off"--which isn't really a day off, it's just a day to sleep, and then the next day you have to go to conference all day, and then you go back to nights. Sometimes I think "I actually chose to do this with my life?".

But, I do love this program. For the most part all of the attendings and other residents are great. We all get along. And I'm pretty confident that this feeling of incompetence will one day fade. I just hope that comes sooner than later.